The Idiot's Drug
by xXDeathNote.Forever.Xx
Summary: In this poem-based [ONE-SHOT], Charlotte Sullivan grieves over the death of her baby brother, L. Unable to come to terms with it even happening at all, she drinks away her sorrows - only hoping that the bubbling of her alcohol, will cement the hole in her chest.


**Disclaimer: The manga/anime Death Note and its characters do not belong to me; they belong go their rightful creators writer _Tsugumi Ohba_ and manga artist _Takeshi Obata_. However; the one OC present in this ONE-SHOT does in fact, belong to me. **

**The cover image used for this FanFiction, does not belong to me either.**

**The Idiot's Drug**

* * *

What do you know of my addictions?

Don't look at me like that, Lawliet.

Try handling the stress that I do, you'd see why I would ever resort to drinking. It's no real problem, Lawliet, I can stop whenever.

But the world is closing in on me, and your big sister can't see past the dark.

Lawliet

the Lost One

I lost you.

I thought that

by finding you,

you'd always be with me.

But you fell slippery on bloody hands.

Been handling one too many glass bottles.

Don't look at me,

Lawliet,

I'm in such a humilated state right now.

Don't watch as I waste away my life

hoping to die

by world's cruelest of poisons.

Gulping down bottle after bottle, the buzzing effect had come so late, I grew aggrevated.

Where had my smile gone?

Reflecting my actions of the past few months, my chest grew knots and this nostalgic nightmare washed over me - drowning me in spit and alcohol.

My baby brother lie cold in my arms,

nothing more but a hallow case.

Had I not wished for this once?

I did

but not like this.

I didn't mean it.

Come back,

Lawliet.

I was living in such luxury. If it wasn't for my brother, I wouldn't have come so close to being "clean". I was so close, like the opportunity was finally an arm's reach away, but that damned Shinigami, Rem, had to go off and rip away my brother's soul.

Nobody in the Task Force, but Watari, knew of my relationship with Lawliet,

and that was definitely for my own protection.

Did Lawliet predict it?

Was my baby brother

trying to protect me?

" Dammit Kira, " I groaned on my knees. Salty tears, burning my eyes and choked sobs filled the empty apartment. Watari had arranged a place for me to stay - under L's commands. My brother could only ever think of me, despite having such an _ugly _relationship. "Dammit it all. "

One more drink,

one more drink.

How am I going to face the Task Force like this? How am I going to attend the funeral of my brother, pretending that I never knew him fully.

I knew just about everything.

Couldn't Lawliet have intrusted me with the Kira information he gathered? Couldn't he have left me a note, or let me in on this plan?

His death couldn't have been staged.

_Gulp._

_Gulp._

" Ahh.. "

You still trying to protect me?

I'm the older one, you should've learned to trust me a little bit more. And if I were to have died, then so be it - my life has no value here - why would it matter?

But L, your life means more than you could ever believe.

But I guess there's no point saying this anymore;

I'm practically talking to a corpse.

Yet I need to know...!

Why did Light take the position as L?

He'll never be you.

" My brother, " I giggled, clumsily. My body felt light. Almost relieved and fluffy, like I was floating on air.

" _The idiot, drank again, _"

Lawliet's voice came to me in a hazy memory.

" _Watari, watch over her until she sobers up. _"

" _I'm not drunk! _Yerr _the drunk one, Ryuzaki! " _

" _Charlotte you reek of booze. _" Strong hands, held my shoulders, as he tried to stop me from nearing him. An innocent look of disgust reigned his face, and he shook his head - disappointed. " _Watari, I'll take care of Charlotte. Please have Matsuda clean up the mess. _"

" _Right away sir. _"

Lawliet was kind to me. But I remember our childhood being made up of argument after argument. Wringing at each other's throat, going for the blood. We were hungry for the other's mercy, and I had once believe it was out of hatred.

Mere sibling rivalry.

I belived what I felt for Lawliet

was Hatred.

I was always compared to you.

You were much brighter than me,

in every way.

And compared to you, there was nothing that I could possibly outshine you in. There was nothing.

Watari found me as he did you,

picking through the debris and ashes

of a house fire,

desperetly searching for Mother and Father.

Someone had sought vengence on us,

but who?

Even Lawliet could never solve it.

Watari found us

and had cradled you like a precious gem

until you fell asleep.

There was no hope for me, was there?

An older couple had always wanted a child.

The Sullivans took me in

and I adopted the name

Charlotte Sullivan.

I wanted to see you, L.

So Watari had set up an appointment where I'd meet you

and the rest of the Task Force.

It was dangerous, but we took this chance.

L knew he had a sister - remembering her tiny, childish face in fragmented memories. So to hear of Watari's news - me wanting to see L after so long - L couldn't help but be curious.

Rather humorous, my brother is.

" _My personal assistant, Charlotte Sullivan. A foreigner. Hardly knows the Japanese language, and therefore; won't act as a threat to anyone's identity. " _

_Japanese. _

_" It's nice to meet you, Charlotte, " came to me the voice of a handsome man. He was young though - maybe still in school. But his English was flawless, as he made himself out to be. " I am Light Yagami. " _

_I shook his hand, and strange, electric sparks ran along my veins. Staring into his eyes, I couldn't put my finger on what could ever be possibly wrong with someone so perfect? _

What was wrong with Light Yagami then?

I guess I'll never be able to piece such a thing together. I don't intend to stay here any longer. I want to return to England and forget this night ever happened. Forget that I even had a baby brother to begin with. Maybe it'd save me from the trouble of recuperating.

" Out of booze, " I hiccupped. My fingertips felt tingly and numb, and my stomach churned uncomfortably. The bubbling of the drinks cemented the hole in my chest. " I-I know Ryuzaki loved d'ah _shit_ outta me! He prolly left s'more booze... "

The weight of the air was torture.

I wish the bubbling helped with flying.

Staggering and void of any self-awareness, I rummaged through the cupboards of my tiny apartment. Don't mind my wallowing of the world as it spins out of control. It was just my way of coping. My eyes can hardly lick through the lines of canned foods as my vision blurs.

" _Charlotte, I'm afraid of dying. _"

" _Huh? What made you think of that all of a sudden? "_

_" Pardon me, " he muttered, " the bells have been ringing all day... I haven't been thinking straight these past few hours. "_

_I took another swig of my sweetened beverage and brushed him aside, like he were a burden on my shoulders, and the bitter taste on my tongue. From the corner of my eye, I could see Lawliet's shoulders drooping as they did, and he looked - vulnerable - miserable - he looked like the name he was given: Lost._

If I had known what he meant, I would've been kinder to my Lawliet. But now it's too late to repent; what shouldn't have been done, is done, and there is no way I can revert it. If I could, I would go all the way back into our childhood, and redo it all. I would've accepted my fate as only second best and cherished those innocent eyes who looked up to me so earnestly.

Even though he was much greater than me in every aspect, he looked for me first.

Why couldn't I see this before?

I hope the side effects triple on me. The uncured me is here to stay. And in a sense, it's what I deserve.

I shuffled over to the front door, and forced it open. My nose crinkling in disgust as I forgot to bring any shoes or a coat; but I was out to buy more alcohol. The very fact that I was self-aware of such things like this made me anxious. The drugs just weren't doing the trick, and I can still remember Lawliet's dying face.

It's just one more bottle.

One more cup, I mean.

I just want one more to drink, then it'll be over.

It's so much easier to give in than to fight.

But

what do you know of my addictions?

Please, don't look at me like that.

I can still stop whenever;

I'm just so stressed, and so tired of living for today.

Strolling through the city so late at night, I knew no fear tonight. The Earth continued to rotate and another child is born. Every second of the day, every minute of tomorrow, there will be a disaster unbeknownst to the rest of the world. Only one person or two, and maybe a country will suffer without the pity of anybody else but those present. That was the cruel reality I was beginning to realize now.

I have known pain, but not like this.

Never like this.

Bring him back.

Bring my baby brother back.

I'm so sorry.

If he hadn't been protecting me,

he probably would've thought his way around his death.

It's my fault.

I'm sorry.

" Lawliet, " I wailed, and wandered off somewhere I had no familiarity of.

I wandered, tipping over in an obvious drunken state, and the looks that the civilians gave me weren't in the slightest bit bothersome. Not anymore. Nevermore.

But I'm thinking of Light again. He promised he was going to catch Kira and avenge L for me. He told me that he understood how special L must've been to me. Yet he has no idea.

I wish L would've told me more about the case. I wanted to know why L so strongly believed that Light Yagami was Kira. The mass-murderer Kira was nowhere to be found in those eyes. I wish he would've told me why.

I trust Light.

I trust him.

He's a good man,

and he's smart too.

Just like you, Lawliet.

I only know what Light tells me. I only knew what Light told me. Not even Matsuda would utter a single syllable on the confinement of the popular idol Misa Amane and Light Yagami. Nothing.

Nothing.

I felt tears trickling down my cheeks, and I gulped them down, hoping to God that it'd save me from this misery. From this pain.

I didn't want to drink,

but I swallowed

without spitting.

I was stumbling over the road, when a loud honking filled the fuzz in my ears, and the screaming of a woman somewhere nearby. When I turned my head to see what the commotion was, my heart didn't even skip to the sight of a truck skidding towards me.

In a blinding light, I was flying. I was flying for a second, and the blurring darkened tenfold over my retinas.

The ground was cool as the rain began to pour for a second time that night.

One day, I'm going to wake up and realize that for me to float, meant I will always sink again.

The screaming was dying and I wanted to laugh.

Lawliet was hovering over me.

Disappointed.

I wanted to reach and touch his face

but he pinched the bridge of my nose instead.

And smiled innocently - pitifully -

like a child.

It really was Light wasn't it.

I don't understand, but it must've been.

That truck came out of nowhere.

The ambulance is loud, but I know there's no hope for me.

Just one more glass.

This pain is awfully unbearable, Lawliet.

* * *

The Task Force didn't think they'd have to pray for two losses.

And nobody cried, but their chests ached, having growing attached to the oddly coupled duo. They were always together it seemed. Even Watari had watched over them both carefully, tending to their every need like an absent Father trying to redeem himself. It was strange to them, to watch such an unlikely pair be so casual - as if they were hiding a secret relationship or something.

Though maybe one of them wanted to laugh at those fading memories, they realized that those days were numbered. Nothing was going to be the same around headquarters.

It hurt a lot.

Light hovered over L's grave. He lingered their the longest, and even though Matsuda wanted to coax Light to follow them away to the hospital, he left the boy alone. Matsuda wanted Light to say good-bye to Ms. Sullivan's bones, as they were about to make peace with her, before her departure to England - where she'll be buried on homelands.

They didn't think they'd have to say good-bye to two people. To lose Charlotte in a desperate state. It was all so overwhelming, yet it fueled their souls and desire to capture Kira all the more.

Light lingered the longest.

And when the rest of the Task Force was just out-of-sight, the young man began to laugh maniacally. " I won, L. "

* * *

_Charlotte Sullivan, on November 5th, 2004, at 2:37 a.m._

_Charlotte will stumble out onto the street in a drunken state over the loss of Rue Ryuzaki, and is run over by a truck that seemingly comes out of nowhere. She will cling to life only for a brief moment, only to pass on an hour later, stating that she wants her bones returned to the soils of Winchester, England. _

* * *

**A/N's: I wrote this FanFiction a _long_ time ago, but I never bothered to finish it. While rooting around my USB, I accidentally ran into it again, and here it is! I kind of thought writing it in this format made it more emotional, in a sense. I normally never write like this, but I think a change of pace is always good - to experiment with lots of other writing styles (much like art), improves your overall style in the long-run. So this change is good, and I hope you guys like it just as much as I do!**

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**Thank you for your time! C:**


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